The Truth about Goats
Esmee Van Der Veen (32) has spent a sleepless night trying to work out what that flashing blue light is – you know, the one you can see in the corner of your eye but goes off every time your turn to look. Rather than get out of bed to check, Esmee opted for seven hours of failed sleep, interspersed with the occasional sigh of frustration and passive aggressive fart.
Currently her options are that it is either a stray mobile phone charger, an electrified Smurf or miniaturized police car. There are half a dozen gadgets on standby in her bedroom but she was sure that none of them were made from fluorescent coral.
Esmee has already ruled out Tinkerbell, glowsticks and an underwater nuclear reactor, with its glowing Cherenkov radiation. The trouble is, it just keeps blinking intermittently – what does that mean? Is it an emergency? Is it running out of power? Is it a phosphorescent nose booger?
Then it struck Esmee, just as the sun started to rise: ‘You know what it is? It’s a reflection of something outside. From the neighbour’s house. It’s their bloody burglar alarm. They’re on holiday and their house is being burgled. But you know what? Sod ‘em’. And she went back to sleep.