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Category Archives: International Environmental

Don’t worry about the Amazon rainforest – we have a spare


Concerns over the wilful destruction of the world’s main source of oxygen may be premature, as Rodell Clarke (43) has planted a new ‘Forest Pansy’ in his front garden. Measuring … Continue reading

September 12, 2019 · Leave a comment

Trump will nuke hurricanes if sanctions don’t work


Reports that President Trump repeatedly threatened to fire nuclear weapons to stop hurricanes, have been dismissed as alarmist, as he had not given up on finding a diplomatic solution first. … Continue reading

September 3, 2019 · Leave a comment

Elton John and Prince Harry offset carbon footprint by planting more poor people


The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have avoided criticism of taking four private jet journeys in 11 days, by agreeing to plant a forest the size of Wales, over Wales. … Continue reading

August 28, 2019 · Leave a comment

Weather Presenters to stop being so jolly about the death of the environment


A leaked memo reveals that weather ‘personalities’ have been told to ratchet down the excitable banter about ‘scorching weekends’, ‘bikini bank-holidays’ and ‘Pandas on fire’. Instead of celebrating rising sea … Continue reading

July 31, 2019 · Leave a comment

Coal rebranded as ‘Liberty Nuggets’


Having renamed gas exports as ‘molecules of freedom’, the US energy department has taken the unusual step of calling carbon emissions ‘God’s breath’, global warming is described as ‘frost redemption’ … Continue reading

July 8, 2019 · Leave a comment

McDonalds to replace straws with hypodermic needles


Bowing to environmental pressure and an increased demand for saturated fat, McDonalds will be allowing customers to inject, snort or smoke their ‘offal of choice’.  There are various options, with … Continue reading

June 28, 2018 · Leave a comment

Microbeads – Bad for the environment but good for your anus


While many aquatic lifeforms will be celebrating the UK’s ban on microbeads, those focused on rectal stimulation will be feeling the thick end of the wedge.  Sadly in an attempt … Continue reading

January 18, 2018 · Leave a comment

Hurricane Harvey Weinstein weighed 127bn tonnes


Scientists have managed to calculate the combined weight of all of Film Producer Harvey Weinstein’s molestations.  Throughout the month of August alone he is alleged to have dropped 34 trillion … Continue reading

December 19, 2017 · Leave a comment

Mount Agung erupts in anger over Prince Harry engagement


A slumbering Balinese Fire Goddess has taken exception to proposed nuptials between Meghan Markle and the ‘ginger hotty’ from House of Windsor.  So aggrieved is this green-eyed deity, that 100,000 … Continue reading

November 28, 2017 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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