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Category Archives: International Sport

Olympic end coincides with UK erectile dysfunction

As Rio 2016 draws to a close, athletics fans will now have to resort to other methods for increasing blood flow.  Self-esteem and ‘todgers’ are due to sag, as the … Continue reading

August 29, 2016 · Leave a comment

US swimmers claim Rio is a ‘wretched hive of scum and villainy’

The venue for the 2016 Olympics has replaced Mos Eisley Spaceport as the place you are most likely to get kidnapped and wake up a sex-slave in Jabba’s palace.  Even … Continue reading

August 22, 2016 · Leave a comment

How to get that Russian-Ultra beach body.

  Ever wondered how Moscow’s finest hooligans look so ripped, as they rip through the opposition?  Ever wanted a tear-gas inspired six-pack without the tears?  Here are our ten easy … Continue reading

June 21, 2016 · Leave a comment

Match-fixers still can’t make Tennis interesting

Despite the best efforts of organised crime, secret files reveal widespread ‘boredom’ even at the top levels of the game.  Illicit syndicates may have manipulated the outcome of Wimbledon matches, … Continue reading

February 11, 2016 · Leave a comment

Sepp Blatter shock inclusion on the ‘naughty list’

An internal investigation by FIFA has resulted in an eight year exclusion from footballing activities for Mr. Blatter and his ‘little helper’ UEFA boss, Michel Platini. In further developments Santa … Continue reading

January 5, 2016 · Leave a comment

‘Extreme poverty’ unlikely to become an Olympic sport‏

While five new sports, including ‘Sepp Blatter Accounting’, are set to be added to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, impoverished activities like ‘ultra-privation’ or ‘uber-penury’ are unlikely to make the cut. … Continue reading

October 21, 2015 · Leave a comment

UK to re-open Embassy World Snooker in Iran

British politicians have confirmed that Tehran and London are to restore diplomatic ties with a celebration of ‘the golden age of Ray Reardon’ . Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond will visit … Continue reading

September 3, 2015 · Leave a comment

Chuck Blazer sick of being asked to finish ‘Game of Thrones’‏

Despite battling with colon cancer and corruption charges, the ex-FIFA executive’s greatest regret is being mistaken for every other rotund, beard-wearer. Subsequently Mr. Blazer, 70, has struck a deal with … Continue reading

June 29, 2015 · 2 Comments

Blatter escapes disguised as the Von Trapps‏

Taking inspiration from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, the outgoing FIFA president has fled over the Swiss mountains dressed as a Bavarian singing troupe. Resplendent in pig tails and lederhosen, … Continue reading

June 9, 2015 · 5 Comments

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