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MP: Solve knife crime by running away


Sir Christopher Robert Chope O.B.E. D.I.P.S.H.I.T., has told a Home Affairs Select committee that the number of knife attacks could be instantly halved if everyone was built like Chuck Norris … Continue reading

April 11, 2019 · Leave a comment

Jeremy Corbyn fails to condemn ‘not being hit’


The Labour leader has come under renewed criticism for not offering support to those lining up to physically assault him.  Many of his own MPs have said that Mr. Corbyn … Continue reading

March 7, 2019 · Leave a comment

Tom Watson asks for your kitten pics


The Deputy Leader of the Labour Party has taken the unusual step of asking members to send him their complaints directly, along with their bank details and the location of … Continue reading

March 5, 2019 · Leave a comment

Churchill the greatest Britain in history – provided you’ve never read a history book


The wonderful thing about being Piers Morgan, other than the sweet smell of gammon, is that you never have to experience self-doubt, by exposing yourself to facts.  This has allowed … Continue reading

February 6, 2019 · Leave a comment

BBC apologies for TV licence email scam


A TV licence scam has led to more than 5,000 complaints; many of those from viewers of the re-makes of ‘Porridge’ and ‘Watership Down’.  The email is designed to lure … Continue reading

January 30, 2019 · Leave a comment

Foreign Office funding Secret Santa


Having admitted to funding a counter-intelligence group targeting opposition politicians, the FO has confirmed that they have also been using donations to discredit Rudolf and rig Christmas.  Using ex-military staff, … Continue reading

December 20, 2018 · Leave a comment

Lobbyist. Think-tank. What’s in a name? Says Adolf Hippler.


A recent court case has revealed that the BBC has been actively promoting right-wing lobbyists, under the guise of researchers, shaman and ‘friends of Yoda’.  Instead of dispensing wisdom, these … Continue reading

December 11, 2018 · Leave a comment

Met Police merchandise range to have His & Her matching Taser


In order to commercialise law in the capital and put the pizzazz into policing, Scotland Yard will be launching a range of goods including furry handcuffs, vibrating truncheons and a … Continue reading

November 14, 2018 · Leave a comment

Abandoned bicycle wheel probably no longer needs padlock


Even the most opportunist petty thief has shown very little interest in one deflated wheel, resolutely chained to railings of Crawley train station. With its misshapen form and bespoke spokes … Continue reading

November 12, 2018 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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