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Prison now as bad as Geordie Shore


The UK’s prison service has, through woeful underfunding and an influx of illegal narcotics, taken on the characteristics of a Friday night in Newcastle. Fans of the reality show ‘Geordie … Continue reading

March 14, 2017 · Leave a comment

Historical abuse to replace Tudors & Stuarts


The GCSE curriculum is to be revised once more, with historical content more representative of events that have shaped Britain, including – 70’s light entertainers, football coaches and Southern Rail.  … Continue reading

February 21, 2017 · Leave a comment

Theresa May discovers antisemitism ‘is a thing’


With both fingers in the ears of history and her nose in the rectum of modernity , the Prime Minister has revealed that being ‘ghastly to Jews’ may be real.  … Continue reading

January 10, 2017 · Leave a comment

Extremists to bunk with Fletcher


Prisoners advocating Islamic State will now be placed in a ‘special unit’ under the watchful, yet benevolent eye, of Norman Stanley Fletcher.  Having been instrumental in reforming ‘young Godber’, Fletcher … Continue reading

September 1, 2016 · Leave a comment

Nation thought Blackburn was already sacked


In what is described as ‘Yewtree deja vu’ radio fans were left confused over which 70’s entertainers were ‘still on the loose’.  In the same way you thought Corey Feldman … Continue reading

March 16, 2016 · Leave a comment

Conservatives reform prisons prior to their sentencing


In anticipation of an influx of Tory grandees on embezzlement, fraud and sex crimes; the Prime Minister has promised a radical overhaul of his future accommodation.  Fear that the room … Continue reading

March 1, 2016 · Leave a comment

NPCC demands the ‘right weapons’ to be truly racist


In response to Home Office figures on tasering, the National Police Chiefs Council has declared that increased attacks on black suspects can only be maintained if officers are given the … Continue reading

November 2, 2015 · Leave a comment

Child abuse evidence is prone to combustion


Investigating officers have discovered a direct link between accusations of historical abuse and the occurrence of witness testimony magically disappearing into a puff of smoke. This comes in the week … Continue reading

October 20, 2015 · Leave a comment

Gove to academize Prisons


David Cameron’s first instruction to Michael Gove, his most significant appointment of his new Cabinet, is to unleash George Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ upon unsuspecting prison inmates. Thanks to Mr. Gove’s previous … Continue reading

May 18, 2015 · Leave a comment

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