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Nurses to be paid in nuclear warheads

The Government has promised to supplement its derisory 1% pay rise to nurses, with a season’s pass to their nuclear stockpile and free rides on a tank.  Nurses will be … Continue reading

March 23, 2021 · Leave a comment

UK terrorism threat level lowered to ‘substantial’ – like a pub meal

Britain’s threat level has been downgraded to that of a scotch egg or basket of cheesy chips.  In line with their guidance on Tier 2 eating, any terrorist activities must … Continue reading

February 18, 2021 · Leave a comment

We can shut our borders for Brexit but not a pandemic?

Voters are somewhat bemused to discover that taking back control of the UK’s borders, only applies to nurses from Jamaica.  Anyone else who fancies a skiing trip, a jaunt to … Continue reading

January 28, 2021 · Leave a comment

Nothing says ‘we’re not scared of civil unrest’ than an extra £4bn for the military

Despite not having been invaded for a thousand years and with the world in lockdown, you might naturally assume that the UK is safe from attack. Alas, no.  The government … Continue reading

November 19, 2020 · Leave a comment

Farage to marry hijacked tanker

In a small, private ceremony Nigel Paul Farage was joined in matrimony with the good ship  Nave Andromeda, in a union between a man and a symbol of why we … Continue reading

October 29, 2020 · Leave a comment

We need to stop Russia interfering with our interference, says MI6

Unable to find any direct evidence of Russian election tampering, the UK’s Intelligence Community said they needed extra time and resources in order to make some up. Logically, the only … Continue reading

August 10, 2020 · Leave a comment

UK decides an extra £1.3bn is a small price to pay for nuclear holocaust

Despite running over its £2.5bn budget, the Ministry of Defence insisted that its plan to destroy ‘all life as we know it’ provides excellent value for money.  A spokesman said: … Continue reading

February 11, 2020 · Leave a comment

New counter-terror training course focuses on narwhal tusks

Free online training is being made available for the public on how to use parts of a whale’s anatomy to combat terrorist. Allegedly barnacles can be used as ninja stars, … Continue reading

January 15, 2020 · Leave a comment

Gavin Williamson asks if Ecuador still has a spare room?

Wanted for leaking state secrets from the National Security Council, the disgraced Defence Secretary is looking for somewhere to hide from press scrutiny, his own innate stupidity and the smug … Continue reading

May 8, 2019 · Leave a comment

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