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The Truth about Goats

Ofsted chief insists children use flag semaphore instead of phones


In a crackdown on mobile phone usage, Amanda Spielman has said that students need traditional forms of communication – such as a fax, pagers or a typewriter tied to their … Continue reading

July 3, 2018 · Leave a comment

School advertising campaign just a kid and a Bunsen burner


Despite squandering tens of thousands of pounds on an elaborate poster campaign, a local school has struggled to come up with anything more inspiring than the image of a kid … Continue reading

June 11, 2018 · Leave a comment

Oxbridge to improve social diversity with ‘servant’s entrance’


Oxford and Cambridge Universities have responded to calls to admit more disadvantaged students, by allowing Muggles, under-cover of darkness, to eat out of the bins – ‘once the foxes have … Continue reading

May 23, 2018 · Leave a comment

May launches terrorist apprenticeships


Using illegal military strikes in Syria, Theresa May’s new ‘terrorist apprenticeship scheme’ has got off to a real bang!  With the modest investment of several hundred million pounds in bombs, … Continue reading

April 19, 2018 · Leave a comment

Theresa May clearly dating a student


Theresa May clearing dating a student Rumours are abound throughout Westminster, that the Prime Minister is ‘schtupping’ an undergraduate; as there can be no other conceivable reason for her suddenly … Continue reading

February 20, 2018 · Leave a comment

Toby Young? You’ve got to be f$cking joking!


The University sector has greeted the appointment, as a regulator, of The Honourable Toby ‘I destroy schools as a hobby’ Young, with muted applause.  In fact many academics likened it … Continue reading

January 9, 2018 · 2 Comments

GCSEs – Now in Nectar points


By popular demand, the grading system for secondary qualifications will now be number based; allowing pupils to accumulate evouchers at Pizza Express or six months of job seekers’ allowance.  This … Continue reading

August 30, 2017 · Leave a comment

Student debt is ‘character building’


According to the tabloids, owing £90,000 before you have left home now tops Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – just above feeling bloated, spam email and hangnail. University students need to … Continue reading

August 15, 2017 · Leave a comment

 Ban on child sex robots sitting SATs


While two-fifths of primary pupils have failed their curriculum exams, three-fifths passed because their canny parents used an android-surrogate. Originally, robot ethicists had been concerned that these robots would be … Continue reading

July 13, 2017 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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