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Sex Ed. rebranded as the ‘Prevent Agenda’

Preventing ‘you know what’ is set become compulsory in all England’s schools, with all acts of radical sexualisation reported to MI5.  Teachers will be required to be on the lookout … Continue reading

April 10, 2017 · Leave a comment

Apartheid improved social mobility claims Greening

Defending her Grammar school policy, the new Education Minister reeled off a list of other successful forms of social streaming; including genocides, purges and movies with sub-titles.  The important thing, … Continue reading

September 29, 2016 · Leave a comment

A-levels – who gives a sh$t?

A gigantic wave of apathy swept the UK as another predictable day of unpredictable exam results arrived.  With 99% of the nation spending the last two years working hard not … Continue reading

August 18, 2016 · Leave a comment

Abandoned Japanese boy better prepared for SATs

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has heralded a pioneering Japanese parenting technique, as the route to academic brilliance and the creation of a next generation of Bear Grylls.  The next logical … Continue reading

June 13, 2016 · Leave a comment

Academize? Sorry we meant to say, ‘privatise’.

The Government was forced into an embarrassing apology for what was seen as ‘a monumental error in spell-check’ affecting the last six years of education policy.  Their successful privatisation of … Continue reading

April 19, 2016 · Leave a comment

Maths teachers to be released back into the wild

A captive breeding programme, that has tripled number of Iberian lynx, has successfully been applied to the UK’s ‘lesser-spotted maths graduate’.  There has been a well-documented national shortage of science … Continue reading

April 13, 2016 · Leave a comment

Ofsted identify failing Jedi schools

Fans of ‘The Force Awakens’ were disappointed to discover that a top Gove Academy has been forced into special measures.  With the same alarming predictability of a US High School, … Continue reading

January 11, 2016 · Leave a comment

Playing video games leads to lower GCSEs but more fun

The National Children’s Bureau for the ‘bleeding obvious’ has discovered that ‘d@$king around on the Xbox’ rather than doing your homework, might be a barrier to academic greatness.  By contrast … Continue reading

October 28, 2015 · Leave a comment

SAS no longer require Higher Maths paper

Entry requirements for the UK’s covert reconnaissance squad are to be ‘softened’ due to recent fatalities and concern that Scottish exams are getting too hard. The ‘dumbed down’ selection process … Continue reading

August 20, 2015 · Leave a comment

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