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Nation mourns loss of TV scheduling

As 24/7 courage of the death of Prince Philip hits our screens, thousands of people lined the streets because there was nothing better on TV.  Tears were shed as gameshows … Continue reading

April 12, 2021 · Leave a comment

Russell Brand finally uses all of the words – just in one sentence

The vlogger, guru, and winner, in 12 B.C. of Nazareth’s Messiah of the Year competition, has finally combined the whole of the Oxford English Dictionary into one sentence.  Pausing only … Continue reading

February 24, 2021 · Leave a comment

Mainstream comedian doubling down on ‘everything is fine’ narrative

Delivering an ‘edgy’ routine celebrating the integrity of the press, one comedian was disheartened to be accused of ‘selling out’.  Speaking from his Grade 1-listed, Georgian mansion, the unnamed entertainer … Continue reading

February 3, 2021 · Leave a comment

The spread of Stacey Dooley surpasses Covid-19

Scientists have warned that by the end of 2020, one hundred percent of all TV listings will be infected with some part of Luton’s answer to Woodward & Bernstein. Sightings … Continue reading

August 11, 2020 · Leave a comment

Celebs tackle Wiley’s racism by claiming ‘all rappers look alike’

Twitter’s Blue Tick brigade attempted to show a united front against online abuse by repeatedly mistaking Wiley for every other BAME artist they had ever heard of. This reached peak … Continue reading

August 4, 2020 · Leave a comment

Lloyd Webber defeats touts by writing shows no one wants to see

The music empresario and answer to the question ‘what does a melted Hugh Grant look like?’, has decided to stop over-inflated theatre prices, by continuing to make over-inflated shows. He … Continue reading

December 11, 2019 · Leave a comment

Swinson fails in legal bid to join ‘I’m a Celebrity…’

  The SNP and the Lib Dems have been unsuccessful in getting Jo Swinson a spot on Hollyoaks, Holby City and Gardener’s Question Time. Worse still is that ‘I’m Celebrity’ … Continue reading

November 25, 2019 · Leave a comment

Chlamydia Island follow-up ‘not so popular’

Contestants on ITV’s flagship reality-show, have struggled to adjust to life without cameras but with an embarrassing itch in their nether regions. One particular hot-tub session has resulted in a … Continue reading

August 8, 2019 · Leave a comment

You no longer need to pretend you’ve seen ‘Love Island’

  Having reached its season finale, fraudulent fans of the ITV reality show, can go back to feigning interest in other fake relationships – such as Harry & Meghan, Boris … Continue reading

August 5, 2019 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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