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The Truth about Goats

Mark Field perfects Heimlich manoeuvre


Medical professionals have applauded MP Mark Field’s valiant man-handling of a Greenpeace protestor, using his best Sith-Lord throat-massage. The Foreign Office minister’s life-saving procedure, involved smashing the young woman against … Continue reading

June 24, 2019 · Leave a comment

‘Bird-nets’ secretly hiding hedge-hair


Netting said to be preventing birds from settling in trees, is in fact part of an elaborate scheme to grow replacement hair for those suffering from premature baldness. Miles of … Continue reading

May 1, 2019 · Leave a comment

‘F$ck May’ or ‘Save the Planet’ – can’t we do both?


Schoolchildren protesting against climate change, have presented the nation with an agonizing choice – battle climate change or vote the ‘Tories Out’. However, neutral observers have suggested that these choices … Continue reading

February 19, 2019 · Leave a comment

Money goes for early hibernation


With interest rates rising and sphincter’s tightening, the UK’s wealth has decided to retreat to the nearest nesting box or Swiss bank account.  Meanwhile, those currencies who can, have flown … Continue reading

October 15, 2018 · Leave a comment

A fifth of all Brexit ideas contain some form of Boris Johnson DNA


The Food Standards Agency (FSA) have reported that the vast majority of political offal has trace elements of the former Foreign Secretary and his ‘yellow pubes’.  Boris is the most … Continue reading

September 26, 2018 · Leave a comment

Heat overtakes Brexit as the conversation you don’t want to have


As wildfires continue to break out in Brexit negotiations, the British public have turned to the weather as their main source of verbal entropy. Reaching for the ‘Thesaurus of Boredom’, … Continue reading

August 6, 2018 · Leave a comment

Heathrow expansion to include Sudetenland


As MPs debate the merits of a ‘Third Runway and Reich’, many are worried about the environmental impact, the promise of ‘budget holidays in our time’ and the annexation of … Continue reading

July 4, 2018 · Leave a comment

1 in 5 UK mammals at risk from Hard Brexit


The Mammal Society and Natural England study has revealed as many as 12 species may be facing a Hard Brexit – or ‘extinction’ as its technically known. It is likely … Continue reading

June 14, 2018 · Leave a comment

UK introduces referendum return scheme


Bowing to public pressure, Michael Gove has agreed to institute a scheme for disposing of unwanted rubbish – starting with every idea he has ever had.  Citizens will have to … Continue reading

May 10, 2018 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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