Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

QC promises to bludgeon to death all Brexiteers

Renowned Remain lawyer and killer of foxes, Jolyon Maugham, has set out an ambitious schedule of vermin and referendum ‘elimination’. Wearing his wife’s green kimono, he promised to use a … Continue reading

January 9, 2020 · Leave a comment

Leech claims to be a ‘blood creator’

Medical research normally endorses the careful removal of a parasite, but some leeches are of the opinion that if it was not for them, no blood would ever be produced. … Continue reading

November 5, 2019 · Leave a comment

Environmentalist secretly wants the world to end so they can say ‘I told you so’

An unnamed member of the Extinction Rebellion has said she was torn between doing the right thing, with it’s fleeting satisfaction, as opposed to the sheer unbridled joy of being … Continue reading

October 24, 2019 · Leave a comment

Boris promises ‘climate withdrawal’ – Clexit

In response to the country being narrowly split, 2% to 98% in favour of helping the environment, the Prime Minister has promised to take back control of our weather systems.  … Continue reading

October 23, 2019 · Leave a comment

Boris to extend ‘Stop & Search’ to include Grouse

While some have questioned why 550,000 acres of land are damaged every year by grouse-hunting, the new Prime Minister insisted that additional police powers are required to tackle our lawless … Continue reading

September 16, 2019 · Leave a comment

Hayfever can f$ck right off

A collection of distinguished academics have come to the conclusion that hayfever is a ‘whiny little bitch’, who can go ‘do one’. Years of painstaking research have revealed that allergic … Continue reading

August 7, 2019 · Leave a comment

Mark Field perfects Heimlich manoeuvre

Medical professionals have applauded MP Mark Field’s valiant man-handling of a Greenpeace protestor, using his best Sith-Lord throat-massage. The Foreign Office minister’s life-saving procedure, involved smashing the young woman against … Continue reading

June 24, 2019 · Leave a comment

‘Bird-nets’ secretly hiding hedge-hair

Netting said to be preventing birds from settling in trees, is in fact part of an elaborate scheme to grow replacement hair for those suffering from premature baldness. Miles of … Continue reading

May 1, 2019 · Leave a comment

‘F$ck May’ or ‘Save the Planet’ – can’t we do both?

Schoolchildren protesting against climate change, have presented the nation with an agonizing choice – battle climate change or vote the ‘Tories Out’. However, neutral observers have suggested that these choices … Continue reading

February 19, 2019 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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