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PM to allow his patented ‘special hug’

The Prime Minister has signaled a return to normal extramarital relations, allowing an easing of lockdown, instructing parents to no longer ‘lock up their daughters’. He would be personally hugging … Continue reading

May 17, 2021 · Leave a comment

It’s two pills – but each pill is the size of a pillow

The Prime Minister has promised an anti-Covid treatment involving two pills, which will be either shot into your mouth through a didgeridoo, sat upon until it hatches or used as … Continue reading

April 29, 2021 · Leave a comment

Hancock: Care Home residents get one visitor – the Grim Reaper

The Health Minister has promised to ease lockdown to by allowing the elderly to have one visitor, which could be a health insurer, an undertaker or someone selling Saga holidays.  … Continue reading

February 23, 2021 · Leave a comment

Vaccine gives you hiccups

Health Officials are said to be thinking of withdrawing Covid vaccinations, as patients are displaying incredibly minor side effects; such snuffles, yawning and confusing Ant for Dec. Said one vaccinee: … Continue reading

February 11, 2021 · 2 Comments

UK Mix’n’Match vaccine combined with Pick’n’Mix for greater variety

The Head of Immunisation has criticised the Government’s plans to mix Covid vaccines with a range of confectionary.  She spoke of the dangers of combining different strains of vaccine but … Continue reading

January 12, 2021 · Leave a comment

Blair boasts – I’m 45 minutes from curing COVID-19

  The former Prime Minister and one-man war tribunal, has claimed that he has a plan to tackle the Covid crisis.  The initial stages involve presenting a dossier of NHS … Continue reading

November 10, 2020 · Leave a comment

Correction, the UK will have an ‘egg’ beating App, not world beating

  The Health Secretary has had to issue a press release to explain the fact that his department has wasted millions of pounds, developing a great way to make Genoise … Continue reading

October 12, 2020 · Leave a comment

Matt Hancock to promote Track & Trace through Friends Reunited

The Health Secretary confirmed that social media influencers were employed to endorse the Government’s virus strategy – normally promoted through Pokémon GO.  Mr. Hancock said they would be using cutting … Continue reading

September 2, 2020 · Leave a comment

Scottish 70% less likely to want Covid-19 than the English

Studies suggest that the Scottish Government is actively trying to stop the spread of Coronavirus, despite evidence from England that death by respiratory illness is good for you. This cowardly … Continue reading

August 27, 2020 · Leave a comment

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