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The Truth about Goats

The 70s is sick and tired of your bitching


While The Daily Mail would like you to believe that the 1970s was the nadir of human civilization, the Bay City Rollers would like to tell them to ‘Bye Bye … Continue reading

November 4, 2019 · Leave a comment

Exploding tomato ruins everything


Adil Chaudhry (34) has had his life turned upside down and his shirt coated, by vegetable shrapnel. Tentatively pricking a cherry tomato with his fork, Mr Chaudhry unleashed a chain … Continue reading

September 18, 2019 · Leave a comment

‘Boris Johnson ate my Jack Russell’


Alarming footage has emerged of puppies being delivered straight to No.10, to a Prime Minister whose ‘unnatural appetites’ Parliament can no longer control. This was coupled with photographs, an hour … Continue reading

September 10, 2019 · Leave a comment

Pensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller


A leaked memo has revealed that the Government is considering raising the state pension age to ‘one day after your heart stops working’. At 75, this pension will be past … Continue reading

August 29, 2019 · Leave a comment

People’s March scores an 8 on the ‘jolly scale’


Pro-Europeans from across hundreds of branches of Waitrose, once more coalesced in our nation’s capitol, to protest that 52 still seems as a larger number than 48. Despite a lack … Continue reading

July 23, 2019 · Leave a comment

Scouts to be renamed ‘Corbyn Youth’


Horrified BBC viewers saw a celebration of the Scout movement transform into a Jeremy Corbyn ‘love-in’, with participants demanding home-made jam from their jamboree.  The parallels with Hitler’s Youth are … Continue reading

July 22, 2019 · Leave a comment

Cat is sure you’ll prefer her anus to your newspaper


After much analysis of human behaviour, ‘Missy’ the Cat is convinced that thrusting her derrière in your face, would be your preferred option over doing The Times crossword.  A cheeky … Continue reading

June 20, 2019 · Leave a comment

Chuka Umunna denies being ‘by-election curious’


Dismissing rumors that he was a closest democrat, the ex-Labour MP has been quick to explain that he was in favour of giving consensual voters the choice – except when … Continue reading

February 26, 2019 · Leave a comment

Homeless people cheating at being homeless – by dying


Government officials have identified a loophole being exploited by itinerant ne’er-do-wells, intent on avoiding work at all costs. Rather than getting on the housing ladder, like any self-respecting capitalist, too … Continue reading

January 23, 2019 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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