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The Truth about Goats

Chuka Umunna denies being ‘by-election curious’


Dismissing rumors that he was a closest democrat, the ex-Labour MP has been quick to explain that he was in favour of giving consensual voters the choice – except when … Continue reading

February 26, 2019 · Leave a comment

Homeless people cheating at being homeless – by dying


Government officials have identified a loophole being exploited by itinerant ne’er-do-wells, intent on avoiding work at all costs. Rather than getting on the housing ladder, like any self-respecting capitalist, too … Continue reading

January 23, 2019 · Leave a comment

Elf on the Shelf f$cked your cat


What started as a cute Christmas tradition documenting the nocturnal shenanigans of a festive Imp, has now spiralled into debauchery, missing underwear and one decapitated garden gnome.  To make matters … Continue reading

December 25, 2018 · Leave a comment

Your Mum and Dad definitely have plans for your room


There is a growing suspicion that your bedroom may soon be converted into an office come gym stroke sauna, with ample space for a vintage bar.  This paranoia has not … Continue reading

November 15, 2018 · Leave a comment

Waitrose will unpack your ‘smug’ while you’re out


Waitrose is to test a delivery service which will allow customers to experience all their innate superiority over their neighbours, without any of the tiresome waving of artisan cheese under … Continue reading

October 23, 2018 · 2 Comments

GUIDE: How to fill that Royal Wedding void?


Understandably the entire UK is at loss for what to do, now that the Royal Wedding is over, all the cake has been sold on EBay and every forelock has … Continue reading

October 16, 2018 · Leave a comment

‘It’d be a shame not to use my zombie survival skills’ says man


Having been saturated with dozens of zombie-themed TV shows and movies, most citizens feel more than qualified to deal with anything Michael Gove might throw at them. In fact many, … Continue reading

September 27, 2018 · Leave a comment

Most couples avoid bondage for fear of being tickled


Sociologists now claim that people’s sexual timidity is driven not by shame but by a fear of someone ‘blowing a raspberry on your tummy’. Statistics now suggest that 52% of … Continue reading

August 14, 2018 · Leave a comment

Sir Cliff to spend £850,000 on ‘living doll’


Rather than dispel rumours of an unorthodox personal life, the ageing singer has said he plans to fulfil his ambition to own a ‘special friend’ that he can lock in … Continue reading

August 8, 2018 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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