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The Truth about Goats

Your five a day counts towards your rule of six

Christmas has been thrown into turmoil, as new Government guidance now includes vegetables towards the number of people that you can safely pull a cracker with.  Explained a Health Official: … Continue reading

November 3, 2020 · Leave a comment

Post-coital cuddle goes on 30 seconds too long

Happily married couple, Aadi and Caroline Baptiste, were just enjoying the afterglow of a rigorous bout of lovemaking, when both discovered, simultaneously, that they had outstayed their welcome.  Caught in … Continue reading

September 3, 2020 · Leave a comment

Voucher scheme to keep bikes in sheds – ‘unused but cleaner’

The Government have launched 50,000 vouchers to ensure that all redundant fitness equipment is kept in a spotless condition, for the day you decide to take it to the dump. … Continue reading

August 3, 2020 · Leave a comment

No singing at weddings? Thank f$ck!

Out of the chaos of their Covid-19 strategy, the Government has finally hit upon a regulation that everyone can support – an end to your drunk Uncle singing ‘My Way’ … Continue reading

July 3, 2020 · Leave a comment

Ketchup works for everything – except sex play

Britain’s favourite red gravy can be smeared on any meal with no ill effects, but the moment it is introduced into bedtime frolics, it not only kills the moment, but … Continue reading

July 1, 2020 · Leave a comment

Zoos reopen – Lions excited about 2 metre distancing

Boris Johnson has announced that safari parks will open on June 15th and insisted that a two-metre exclusion zone from a rhino, is just enough to give you a head … Continue reading

June 18, 2020 · Leave a comment

No one is cleaning my moat, complains MP

Journalists and politicians alike have begun to suffer under draconian lockdown, due to shortage of au pairs, skiing instructors and a general lack of grouse beaters. Forced to wipe their … Continue reading

June 2, 2020 · Leave a comment

NHS need Burberry gowns but can’t afford £1000 matching bag

The desperately short supply of personal protective equipment (PPE) has forced the NHS to outsource to Burberry and Barbour – while deliberately ignoring ASDA’s less fashionable ‘George’ line. An average … Continue reading

April 30, 2020 · Leave a comment

Husband threatens to grow ‘mother of all beards’ – so does wife

  In an act of hairy brinkmanship, one couple from Luton (Ben & Sally) are treating lockdown as a challenge to see how far they can let their personal grooming … Continue reading

April 7, 2020 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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