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NHS charges Hamilton for ‘parking at work’


Despite his victory at Silverstone, Lewis Hamilton has had his Mercedes impounded until he pays the outstanding ticket for his pit-stop on lap 32.  As with all NHS Staff, Mr … Continue reading

July 19, 2017 · Leave a comment

Sadly Tennis ‘still a thing’


Through the inept competence of Johanna Konta, British sports fans have been forced to acknowledge her victory at the Miami Open and, by implication, the existence of that medieval torture … Continue reading

April 20, 2017 · Leave a comment

Paul Nuttall ‘played centre forward’ for Liverpool


UKIP’s new leader has made the bold claim that he played alongside Kenny Dalglish in the 1978 European Cup Final. Standing in the Stoke by-election, Mr. Nuttal further declared that … Continue reading

March 7, 2017 · Leave a comment

Leicester sack Corbyn


After an improbable leadership victory last season, the Premiership’s strugglers have chosen to part company with ‘the bearded wonder’.  This is despite Corbyn having defied critics and bookies to take … Continue reading

March 1, 2017 · Leave a comment

FA inquiry quits before it starts


Following the time-honoured tradition of establishment cover-ups, members of any future investigation of abuse in football have already recused themselves.  This comes after news that in 2003 the FA scrapped … Continue reading

December 15, 2016 · Leave a comment

 Allardyce celebrates 100% record


England’s outgoing manager boasted of his flawless win rate and low-millage on his company car; exiting with a spring in his step and a boot in his arse.  Taking the … Continue reading

October 5, 2016 · Leave a comment

May rejects points-based Premiership


The Prime Minister has dismissed calls to control entry into the Champions League via a top four finish, favouring a fairer ‘who has the most money’ system.  In the aftermath … Continue reading

September 20, 2016 · Leave a comment

Muirfield votes to ignore everything after 1950


Members of the Open-hosting golf club have voted to maintain their ban on women, bell-bottoms and colour TVs.  The 648 members, after a two-year consultation, have agreed that civilization is … Continue reading

June 6, 2016 · Leave a comment

Team GB reveals how ‘super hot’ they are


Disguised under the pretext of a kit launch, Britain’s athletes took time out of their busy schedule – of avoiding drug tests – to show off more bulging pectorals than … Continue reading

May 10, 2016 · Leave a comment

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