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The Truth about Goats

Multi-millionaire footballers are all Marxists

Millwall FC has finally exposed a secret Marxist cabal running the Premiership. Being a multi-billion-pound private industry was just a devious way of challenging the Bourgeoisie.  The fact that Raheem … Continue reading

December 16, 2020 · Leave a comment

Millwall fans ‘booing’ taking the knee, is the most Millwall thing there is

Just when you thought Millwall FC had reached rock bottom, someone has handed them a shovel and a large burning cross.  A club spokeswoman explained: ‘We’ve had 100 years of … Continue reading

December 10, 2020 · Leave a comment

Marcus Rashford finally makes Man Utd likeable

Decades of footballing bitterness and resentment have been erased by one Manchester United player choosing to use his position to save children, rather than fake a last-minute penalty claim.  Marcus … Continue reading

October 27, 2020 · Leave a comment

Tony Abbot fails FA’s ‘fit and proper test’

While the ex-Australian Prime Minister has been approached to lead UK trade talks, the Football Association have labelled him dodgier than Peter Ridsdale playing blackjack in Las Vegas.  Despite allowing … Continue reading

September 10, 2020 · Leave a comment

Man City overturn Europe ban, Bristol Rovers opt to keep theirs

Unbeknownst to fans of Bristol Rovers, the club has been banned from European football since 1883, which ironically has never been a problem, since they never qualified. With their highest … Continue reading

July 21, 2020 · Leave a comment

Far-right thugs start the football season early

The Football Association has been forced to explain that the crowd violence seen in Trafalgar Square, was not Millwall FC celebrating a goal. Remarked one hooligan: ‘Getting pissed, hurling bottles, … Continue reading

June 15, 2020 · Leave a comment

Keir Starmer yet to get a football stadium chant

As Jeremy Corbyn bids a fond farewell to the leadership of the Labour Party and big hello to his prize marrows, the new Leader is struggling with his new found … Continue reading

April 21, 2020 · Leave a comment

Chancellor declares ‘The only wealthy people are footballers’

Rishi Sunak – Goldman Sachs’ investment banker, hedge fund manager and husband of a billionaire’s daughter – has decided Accrington Stanley’s third choice goalkeeper should foot the bill for the … Continue reading

April 16, 2020 · Leave a comment

Assistant Referee still self-identifies as a ‘Linesman’

UEFA have come under fire for discriminating against ‘linespeople’ and their right to just focus on throw-ins and corners.  Since 1996, Graham Pollock (47) has had to live the lie … Continue reading

March 26, 2020 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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