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The Truth about Goats

Mainstream comedian doubling down on ‘everything is fine’ narrative

Delivering an ‘edgy’ routine celebrating the integrity of the press, one comedian was disheartened to be accused of ‘selling out’.  Speaking from his Grade 1-listed, Georgian mansion, the unnamed entertainer … Continue reading

February 3, 2021 · Leave a comment

One-fifth of Earth’s ocean floor is now mapped – thanks to broken Satnav

Mr & Mrs Agnew of Port Talbot have inadvertently driven their Ford Focus across 14.5 million sq. km of sub-nautical landscape, after a disagreement over which is the quickest route … Continue reading

June 25, 2020 · Leave a comment

New £20 note to replace toilet paper

Panic buyers have given up stockpiling toilet paper and have gone for the next cheapest equivalent – the UK currency. The holographic £20 has become the perineal cleaner of choice, … Continue reading

March 25, 2020 · Leave a comment

Chancellor of Exchequer to become zero-hour contract

Sajid Javid has resigned from the cabinet, after being asked to stack shelves at Sports Direct and drive an Uber cab on the weekend. A No. 10 spokeswoman said: ‘Sajid … Continue reading

February 20, 2020 · Leave a comment

Leech claims to be a ‘blood creator’

Medical research normally endorses the careful removal of a parasite, but some leeches are of the opinion that if it was not for them, no blood would ever be produced. … Continue reading

November 5, 2019 · Leave a comment

McDonalds to replace straws with hypodermic needles

Bowing to environmental pressure and an increased demand for saturated fat, McDonalds will be allowing customers to inject, snort or smoke their ‘offal of choice’.  There are various options, with … Continue reading

June 28, 2018 · Leave a comment

1 in 5 UK mammals at risk from Hard Brexit

The Mammal Society and Natural England study has revealed as many as 12 species may be facing a Hard Brexit – or ‘extinction’ as its technically known. It is likely … Continue reading

June 14, 2018 · Leave a comment

Michael McIntyre mugging his first ‘new material’ in years

Fans of Mr McIntyre have spoken of their relief, that the comedian will finally have an anecdote that goes beyond parenting observations and shaking his jowls with mock outrage.  Having … Continue reading

June 6, 2018 · Leave a comment

Mo Farah just grateful to see the back of Quorn

Although finishing his competitive career with a disappointing Silver, in the 5,000m, Mo Farah expressed his relief that he no longer needed to maintain the charade of liking meat-substitute fungus.  … Continue reading

August 22, 2017 · 2 Comments

Reformation (play script)

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