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Donald Trump endorses assisted ‘political suicide’ for his opponents


In what some are describing as a ‘mercy killing’ and others as ‘natural selection’; one by one, Republican candidates are falling on their swords or discovering a Trump™ branded dagger … Continue reading

March 30, 2016 · Leave a comment

Tory Majority leaves Newcastle Utd without a new manager


Much to the frustration of voters and Alan Shearer, the General Election has failed to resolve the problems of the ailing Premiership club. No one Political Party wants to take … Continue reading

May 11, 2015 · Leave a comment

Early exits suggest that the majority of votes will be ironic


Rather than marking their ballot with an ‘X’, most voters will be opting this year for some sort of scribbled profanity or a more traditional ‘cock and balls’. Polls are … Continue reading

May 8, 2015 · 2 Comments

Only the threat of prison can keep me honest, claims Cameron‏


In a refreshing admission of duplicity, the Prime Minister has said that a law should be passed to ensure the Conservative party sticks to its promises after the General Election. … Continue reading

May 7, 2015 · 2 Comments

Hard Working Families to be given extra votes


Now that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the … Continue reading

April 30, 2015 · Leave a comment

Miliband to help exploited workers, starting with himself


As one of his key election promises, Ed Miliband intends to crackdown on the abuse of low-skilled Labour Leaders. A task force will be established to find out why Mr. … Continue reading

April 23, 2015 · Leave a comment

Cameron promises not to serve a third term. Voters helpfully rule out a second.


In an attempt to manage public expectation, the Prime Minister has said he will not be swayed into staying in office, regardless of any mass displays of affection. Meanwhile, nonplussed … Continue reading

April 2, 2015 · Leave a comment

Police search continues for the most ‘meaningless’ election issue


Officers have issued another request for any information pertaining to the whereabouts of the UK’s 2015 General Election. Meanwhile police have been dredging canals for anything that could be construed … Continue reading

March 30, 2015 · Leave a comment

Ed Miliband to put Alan Sugar in all schools


In a bold policy commitment, the Labour leader has said he would ensure all school leavers have an exit interview with Lord Sugar. This ‘apprenticeship guarantee’ would cover a range … Continue reading

February 23, 2015 · Leave a comment

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