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‘It’d be a shame not to use my zombie survival skills’ says man

Having been saturated with dozens of zombie-themed TV shows and movies, most citizens feel more than qualified to deal with anything Michael Gove might throw at them. In fact many, … Continue reading

September 27, 2018 · Leave a comment

Six-packs to be rebranded as ‘tummies’

After years of aggressive marketing, stomachs throughout the land have opted to return to a more family-friendly image, which can accommodate a progressive pie-orientated lifestyle. Gone will be Guantanamo-themed ‘washboards’ … Continue reading

February 19, 2018 · Leave a comment

Gove leaves Boris unattended

Parent groups and petting zoos have been outraged by reports that the ex-Education Secretary may have abandoned Boris Johnson to his own devices in the Foreign Office.  Having already acquired … Continue reading

November 21, 2016 · Leave a comment

Call for ministers to offer 24/7 dumb-fuckery

While legitimate concerns have been raised about NHS weekend provision, many are now demanding that the Cabinet spreads its incompetence more evenly over the week.  Data suggests a sharp decline … Continue reading

May 4, 2016 · Leave a comment

Academize? Sorry we meant to say, ‘privatise’.

The Government was forced into an embarrassing apology for what was seen as ‘a monumental error in spell-check’ affecting the last six years of education policy.  Their successful privatisation of … Continue reading

April 19, 2016 · Leave a comment

Taylor Swift to headline EU debate

The BBC has agreed to stage the EU referendum at Wembley Arena, with a host of popular rock stars and musically-gifted xenophobes set to take the stage.  Likened to ‘Live … Continue reading

March 15, 2016 · Leave a comment

NPCC demands the ‘right weapons’ to be truly racist

In response to Home Office figures on tasering, the National Police Chiefs Council has declared that increased attacks on black suspects can only be maintained if officers are given the … Continue reading

November 2, 2015 · Leave a comment

SAS no longer require Higher Maths paper

Entry requirements for the UK’s covert reconnaissance squad are to be ‘softened’ due to recent fatalities and concern that Scottish exams are getting too hard. The ‘dumbed down’ selection process … Continue reading

August 20, 2015 · Leave a comment

Gove to academize Prisons

David Cameron’s first instruction to Michael Gove, his most significant appointment of his new Cabinet, is to unleash George Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ upon unsuspecting prison inmates. Thanks to Mr. Gove’s previous … Continue reading

May 18, 2015 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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