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UK votes to make NHS part of Walmart

Parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject Clause 17 to protect the NHS from overseas buyers, opening the way for health care to be delivered somewhere between aisles 16 and 17. The … Continue reading

July 27, 2020 · Leave a comment

Government to clap for hospital car parking charges

The Prime Minister has said we need to show our appreciation for the unsung heroes of lockdown, those who are profiteering from the suffering of others; such as putting James … Continue reading

July 14, 2020 · Leave a comment

Boris promises to clap migrant NHS staff – in irons

In support of the NHS workers who saved his life, the PM has chosen to reward them with a big, fat kick to the balls. Exploited, fined and deported, these … Continue reading

June 4, 2020 · Leave a comment

Captain Tom offered knighthood in exchange for fully funding the NHS

Charity walker, Captain Tom Moore, will now be expected to do laps of his garden 24/7 to fill the funding gap in NHS provision. In addition to using his walking … Continue reading

May 28, 2020 · Leave a comment

Isle of Wight tracing app is just a man ringing bell shouting ‘unclean’

An NHS app aimed at limiting the spread of Coronavirus, is being trialled on the Isle of Wight; alongside transistor radios, the typewriter and toilets that flush. Despite this, the … Continue reading

May 14, 2020 · Leave a comment

‘Contingency plans’ for Boris’ death, still the best plan on offer

Despite staff at St. Thomas’ Hospital pronouncing Mr. Johnson ‘brain dead’ on arrival, he has now resumed his day to day duties. Death rates to the coronavirus have actually gone … Continue reading

May 13, 2020 · Leave a comment

NHS need Burberry gowns but can’t afford £1000 matching bag

The desperately short supply of personal protective equipment (PPE) has forced the NHS to outsource to Burberry and Barbour – while deliberately ignoring ASDA’s less fashionable ‘George’ line. An average … Continue reading

April 30, 2020 · Leave a comment

Care Home virus deaths recorded as alien abductions

It transpires that the UK government has been suppressing Coronavirus mortality rates by ignoring non-hospital deaths and passing them off as the work of extraterrestrial kidnappers or the cast of … Continue reading

April 22, 2020 · Leave a comment

Doctor grateful to have journalist explain her job to her

Health professionals have welcomed the rude interruptions of numerous interviewers, in helping to spread editorial views on Coronavirus and ultimately the spread of Coronavirus. Said one Doctor: ‘I feel I … Continue reading

April 20, 2020 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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