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The Truth about Goats

Abandoned Japanese boy better prepared for SATs

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has heralded a pioneering Japanese parenting technique, as the route to academic brilliance and the creation of a next generation of Bear Grylls.  The next logical … Continue reading

June 13, 2016 · Leave a comment

Academize? Sorry we meant to say, ‘privatise’.

The Government was forced into an embarrassing apology for what was seen as ‘a monumental error in spell-check’ affecting the last six years of education policy.  Their successful privatisation of … Continue reading

April 19, 2016 · Leave a comment

Maths teachers to be released back into the wild

A captive breeding programme, that has tripled number of Iberian lynx, has successfully been applied to the UK’s ‘lesser-spotted maths graduate’.  There has been a well-documented national shortage of science … Continue reading

April 13, 2016 · Leave a comment

More Grammar schools should lead to more Morlocks

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is to confirm an expansion in selective schooling, in order to finally create a race of ‘troglodyte over-lords’. In a homage to H. G. Wells’ novel, … Continue reading

November 3, 2015 · Leave a comment

Government favours unqualified stab victims

The Department for Education has questioned the profitability of using teachers as student ‘pin cushions’, when Academies and unqualified staff can offer much better value for money. As West Yorkshire … Continue reading

June 22, 2015 · Leave a comment

Nicky Morgan to spend £1/2m to teach students ‘The hairs on her dickey-di-do’

The Department for Education has announced funding to instil school children with the core values of rugby; which include ‘lighting your own farts’, dispensing concussion and ‘downing’ dubious hangover remedies. … Continue reading

June 8, 2015 · 2 Comments

Reformation (play script)

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