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The Truth about Goats

Man City owe success to ‘rush goalie’

Pep Guardiola has admitted that this season’s success is down to a series of playground tactics including jumpers for goalposts, a 0-1-1-15 formation and, all importantly, having the keeper run … Continue reading

November 15, 2017 · Leave a comment

95% of gambling adverts interrupted by sport

The Remote Gambling Association (RGA) has raised concerns that infomercials on betting are being used to promote football, Ray Winstone and other unsavoury addictions.  The fear is that supporting West … Continue reading

October 24, 2017 · Leave a comment

May rejects points-based Premiership

The Prime Minister has dismissed calls to control entry into the Champions League via a top four finish, favouring a fairer ‘who has the most money’ system.  In the aftermath … Continue reading

September 20, 2016 · Leave a comment

5000-1 – Hillsborough families win vindication

The football season culminated with the bookies and Kelvin Mackenzie taking a drubbing, as families of the bereaved beat the odds to clear their names.  Despite Jamie Vardy being suspended, … Continue reading

May 5, 2016 · Leave a comment

League agrees to cap Aston Villa at 30 points‏

Alongside their decision to limit the cost of away tickets next season, football club owners have proposed a plan to ‘once and for all’ rid the Premiership of the ‘embarrassment’ … Continue reading

March 24, 2016 · Leave a comment

Richard Scudamore challenges all women to an arm-wrestle

With what is being seen as a vain attempt to garner support for his derogatory references to ‘female irrationality’, the Premier League’s chief executive has promised to prove his gender’s … Continue reading

June 3, 2014 · 3 Comments

Alan Pardew ‘not covered’ by Northern Ireland amnesty

While IRA fugitives and British soldiers may be granted immunity to prosecution for past crimes, most agree that the villainous Pardew should be ‘made an example of’. Decades of sectarian … Continue reading

March 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

“World’s first lab-grown footballer”

As the football season draws near, Premiership teams have been frustrated in their efforts to sign top players. Scientists at Maastricht University think they may have the answer. Taking stem … Continue reading

August 8, 2013 · 2 Comments

Reformation (play script)


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