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Ted Heath to be next Tory leader


Despite being embroiled in an historical abuse scandal and ‘technically dead’, Edward Heath is now the frontrunner to replace beleaguered Theresa May.   One Minister commented: ‘Gropey Heath may have bodged … Continue reading

October 11, 2017 · Leave a comment

UK pledges £1bn to those Prime Ministers devastated by Hurricane Brexit


While Britain has scraped together a paltry £32m for damaged overseas territories in the wake of Hurricane Irma, the Government said it was still committed to funnelling hundreds of millions … Continue reading

September 14, 2017 · Leave a comment

‘Don’t worry, I got this covered’ says May


Surrounded by canned goods, Theresa May sent out a reassuring message to the British public, deep from within the bowels of No.10’s bespoke nuclear bunker.  Strapping on a bullet-proof vest, … Continue reading

June 20, 2017 · Leave a comment

Electorate displaying signs of ‘Stockholm Syndrome’


Despite years of abuse, most voters look set to ask Theresa May for five more years of bondage and tax avoidance – making the Tory manifesto feel more like ‘Fifty … Continue reading

June 12, 2017 · Leave a comment

Murdoch says you can vote now


Our benevolent overlord, Rupert Murdoch, has granted a day of democracy for the collective chattel – provided, of course, they vote for his preferred minion.  To help us in our … Continue reading

June 8, 2017 · Leave a comment

Biff, Chip and Kipper and the ‘not-so-free’ school meal


Mum was reading an election leaflet: ‘Fuck me.  Mrs May says she will no longer be providing free school lunches.’ ‘She’s not normally such a bitch,’ observed Chip. ‘Not that … Continue reading

June 8, 2017 · Leave a comment

Adult voters secretly ‘excited’ about destroying their children’s future


As the General Election looms, like an iceberg or a prostate examination, the UK’s electorate is surreptitiously looking forward to the prospect of ‘sticking it to the young’.  With a … Continue reading

June 7, 2017 · Leave a comment

UK asked to choose between Internment Camps, the Final Solution or Box No.3


In what seems to be the worst game-show ever, Britain is now being asked to pick the lesser of all evils – when it seems that all the options are … Continue reading

June 6, 2017 · 4 Comments

Theresa May found with Lord Lucan


The UK Missing Persons Bureau has called off the search for the UK’s Prime Minister, having found her in an attic above 10 Downing Street, alongside Elvis, a stash of … Continue reading

June 1, 2017 · Leave a comment

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