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The Truth about Goats

Nigel Farage fears ‘rivers of congestion’


Alluding to Enoch Powell’s prophetic warning in 1968, the UKIP leader claimed that Britain’s waterways will soon be clogged up with east Europeans on barge holidays. Speaking to supporters, Mr. … Continue reading

December 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

Tories to stop Santa migration by Christmas


David Cameron has announced plans to curb the flood of European migrant workers, specifically 4th-century Greek bishops, from invading our homes. The Prime Minister has promised to apply an ‘emergency … Continue reading

October 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Home Office admits a cheaper border control would have been ‘one casual racist’


Having had the embarrassment of squandering millions on a failed e-borders programme and a subsequent arbitration settlement, the UK Government has reached the conclusion that a simpler more inexpensive approach … Continue reading

September 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏


UKIP members in the Kent constituency of South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having … Continue reading

August 27, 2014 · 6 Comments

Apple to launch its new integrated app – Bolloxdrop


In an attempt to challenge Dropbox and WhatsApp, the computing multinational will now offer their own online storage solution for all your embarrassing online mishaps. Every ‘clanger’, shameful selfie and … Continue reading

June 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Last known Lib Dem dies in captivity


Zoo keepers, veterinarians and ‘sandal-wearing libertarians’ were left mourning the loss of the world’s last remaining ‘Greater-spectacled Oakeshott’. The ‘Oakeshott’ had been cared for in the House of Lords’ wildlife … Continue reading

June 6, 2014 · Leave a comment

Catching your penis in your zipper helps put UKIP result in perspective


Medical and political experts are advising the British public to trap their genitals in a vice-like device, to enable ‘a measured response’ to Nigel Farage’s poll success. While many in … Continue reading

May 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

Nation treated for shock over Katie Price split


The artist formerly known as Jordan, or the Hashemite Kingdom of Transjordan, traumatised the UK by announcing her plans to get divorced. As has been well-documented, Ms. Price’s commitment to … Continue reading

May 14, 2014 · 1 Comment

Nigel Farage rules himself out of new Star Wars movie


Despite ‘not actually’ auditioning for Episode VII, the MEP for South East England has taken pre-emptive steps to obviate any possibility of him starring in the sci-fi blockbuster. A UKIP … Continue reading

May 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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