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We can solve Brexit because we’re good at sports


  After a weekend of sporting success and too much alcohol, UK voters are now convinced that everything will be fine – mainly because we can catch.  Off the back … Continue reading

July 17, 2019 · Leave a comment

Search begins for superstitious reason why England lost


While some might legitimately blame tactics or team selection for under-performance, most will attribute losing to Croatia by not wearing their lucky underwear, with a rabbit’s foot stuffed inside them. … Continue reading

July 16, 2018 · Leave a comment

Nation hides behind pillow


The UK’s stiff upper lip is currently hidden behind 3 inches of cushion as we cower in terror and expectation over the World Cup.  Never has a nation been so … Continue reading

July 11, 2018 · Leave a comment

Britain ‘just not comfortable’ with winning


Winning World Cups and the F1 Championship are all very well, but the UK does not look good smiling triumphantly – partly because of mediocre dentistry, but mainly due to … Continue reading

November 8, 2017 · Leave a comment

Corbyn wins Under-20 World Cup


Despite being an Arsenal fan, Jeremy Corbyn has led England’s Under-20s to their first electoral upset since 1966.  Through a combination of ‘kick it and hope’ and Theresa May still … Continue reading

June 14, 2017 · 2 Comments

‘We’ll always have the bikini wax’ – says a resolute Brazil


Last night the streets of Rio were lined with shell-shocked football fans, discarded yellow shirts and, as the year ended in 14, predictably rampant Germans. As a nation grieved and … Continue reading

July 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

Uruguay: ‘Suarez gives hope to anyone suffering from hypoglycemia’


In a bold statement, seen as response to the four month ban imposed by FIFA on the masticating-prone striker, the Uruguay Football Association have claimed that Luis Suarez’s biting incidents … Continue reading

June 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Jihadists not as focused on the World Cup as they should be‏


Set against the backdrop of Kenyan massacres and Iraqi insurgency, FIFA is concerned that Islamist militants may not be giving Brazil 2014 their full attention. Despite wall-to-wall TV coverage, there … Continue reading

June 20, 2014 · Leave a comment

Sepp Blatter’s resignation rumours prompt half a million Iraqis to flee their homes


Terror gripped the streets of Mosul as word spread that the President of the ‘Fédération Internationale de Football Association’ (FIFA), or the ‘Quatari Savings and Loan Company’ as it is … Continue reading

June 12, 2014 · 4 Comments

Reformation (play script)

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